Llew's Reviews

Archive for April, 2002

I’m about to embark on a never before attempted jo…

Saturday, April 13th, 2002 by Miss Laura

I’m about to embark on a never before attempted journey to the much mentioned Miss MD’s – a highly paranoid true crime afficianado who Sara refers to as “everybody’s favorite candidate for a lobotomy” – house to deliver a book since she has had surgery. I wanted to post before I went. I don’t think MMD would intentionally harm me but I think she might mistakenly taken me for a serial killer out to do nefarious activities, jump me, and leave my body hacked to shreds after she crumples in a ball in horror (with a slight pride over her superiorally performed leaping scissors kick of moments earlier) when she realizes the bookstore bag which dropped from my hand after the attack. So, if you don’t hear from me again – you’ll know the reason.

By the way, little pudgy girls named Noel are MUCH more dangerous than they appear to be. One decided today that she wanted to take Flannery home with her (this is after shrieking loudly and continuously until all other customers left the store mistakenly thinking that a fire alarm of some sort was going off). Noel’s father

tried to explain that Flannery belonged to me but Noel asserted that she wanted to “share” Flannery. I felt like teaching her a lesson

that she sadly will most likely never learn in Kindergarden. Sharing is something you do with your stuff. However, when it’s a bigger kid who has somthing you want you’re basically just likely to get a “Leave my damn dog alone before she bites you, you twerp.”

Where is Fulghum when you need for him to make an addendum?

I’m not really in a bad mood but I’m practicing being THEATRIC because my new dream job in life is to be an extra on BOSTON PUBLIC.

Thursday, April 4th, 2002 by Miss Laura

I’ve spent all day sucking the life out of mentholyptus halls cough drops but my sore throat isn’t soothed, my nasal passages aren’t

cooled, and my cough is NOT fought. Advanced vapor action my eye.

Miss MD – a regular true crime loving paranoid customer who has the unique talent of matching her hair color to her neon brassy pink

lipstick – informed me that my cold is probably being caused by something TERRORISTS are doing to the AIR.

I should have known.

I am going to start a petition AGAINST VIAGRA. Today, a man in his eighties came in and bought “The Guide To Getting It Awn” (as you can tell it’s one of those sex books. This one has the nice distinction as only having drawn illustrations instead of photographs

but it actually makes fun of it’s own illustrations and points out when the people aren’t exactly obeying laws of physics. Not that I’ve

ever looked at it because I’m not married and thus never think about SEX. It wouldn’t be PROPER for yet another incompentent

heterosexual.) His hands were shaking so much that he had problems opening his wallet yet those are going to be the instrument for.. OH PLEASE STOP THE MENTAL IMAGES ALREADY. Do these people WAIT for Saturday when they’ll know I’ll be here. I had three of my worst customers EVER today and these things people call their children HURT MY HEAD LIKE A HUNDRED DOGS!

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