Llew's Reviews

Spooks, boggarts, and witches - oh my!

This is the fourth in the Last Apprentice series which is a middle school level fantasy/horror series. I can’t handle scary things so a fifth grade horror book is about as much as I can handle. This is a good series that I’ve been fond of suggestion to that age of readers.

With this new addition, I’m a little weary to recommend it because it deals a lot with believing in God. I think it’s good for children this age, but I don’t think every child’s parents would agree with me.

For Christmas, I received lots of fantastic presents. Among them was *not* this book. However, a dear friend did get a couple of bath bombs which are my favorite. Tonight, after a long dull day at work, I decided to tuck into a hot bath with this book and the chocolate flavored bath explosion of joy. Man, I love chocolate. And that bath bomb smelled and felt great.

But it looked. Well, sitting in a tub of hot brown water might be one of the most disturbing things I have ever willingly done. I decided I would just concentrate on my book but it’s hard not to notice that you’re neck high in BROWN water. I kept lifting the book higher and higher to read it, all the while negating any soothing effects the bath might have had on my neck.

Bathing in brown water = Ewwww.
Memoirs of a teenage amnesiac = Awww.

This is the right mix of cute, light, sad, and vulnerable. It’s full of overly self conscious mixes and Ingmar Bergman references. And it tries to hard, just like every teen does. I loved it.

At least it wasn’t a vampire novel! Although, I don’t know in the fantasy hierarchy where wolverines fall. Perhaps I was taking a step down after all.

A customer bought this book from me two years ago and then tried to return it. She explained to me it was a reading list book (huh?) from Mr. X. I know very well the AP English teacher never assigned this semi-tawdry tale, but I was so very amused and I generally like this customer. Thus, I accepted the return. Then, I read it for myself. It was fun - like the wolverine version of Robin McKinley’s “Sunshine” but not as great.

I was just in the mood for something funny and sappy. This fit just perfectly.

1. Bookstore and libraries need to take this out of their “young adult” sections PRONTO.

2. If I keep reading vampire books will I lose all respect for myself? Because, to be honest, I actually quite like a lot of them.

3. I feel as if I should take a shower after that last sentence.

“If there was such a thing as reincarnation, and she did come back, she just hoped to God she wouldn’t wind up in a third world country, where she couldn’t get fresh produce, or have access to good skin products, because if she couldn’t get her Merle Normal cold cream, she would just rather not come back at all.”

I read this new bestseller written by the author of a former Oprah Bookclub pick, because a lady at the gym told me it was good.

Why don’t I just shoot myself now?

This shoving books in by the fist fulls so that I will have things to recommend and discuss with customers during the rush of Christmas season (when I will have no time to read anything) is getting me down. To be honest, it always does. But then the season comes around and I will pine for the days when I was able to read so much, no matter what it was.

The boy has already made fun of me for reading this book so rest assure that has already been done.

Yes, this is a children’s middle school level horror book about bogarts and witches. Yes, the witches wear pointy shoes.
Yes, I’ve searched Style Hive for some pointy shoes for myself. Yes, I’m tired and first mistyped “wear” as “where.”
Yes, as soon as I publish this entry I am going to curl into the fetal position and cry out of shame.
And, yes, this is a really good scary book for that age level which I would highly recommend if anyone of that age group ever listened to an adult who wasn’t menacingly wielding a ruler or a sharp object.

You know South Carolina isn’t showing any of this gay lovin so I figured I’d have to read the story if I ever wanted to know anything about it. Except for the detailed scene of using spit for lube, I really liked it. Of course, the correct quote is along the lines of, “I wish I could quit you, you sonofawhoreson bitch!”

I think I might take to correcting people when they use that line. You know me, always the life of the party.

Oh, stop looking at me like that.

Have you not seen what he can do to a woman’s body on extreme makeover?

Hook me up with some of that please, but not
<—— that. He looks something like a stone chimpanzee.