I Saw Mama Chewing Santa Claus

Yesterday, I woke up from dreams about zombie pick up lines (“You’re dead sexy”, “Baby, I’m after more than just your brainnns”). I have no idea what precipitated this dream. I also have no idea why there’s so many zombie books out of late either. Vampires I can understand … Whatever the reason – I like it!

So here are the fun zombie books I’ve seen out recently (besides the Pride Prejudice & Zombies which I’ve heard great things and all – but everyone knows about that one. Right?):

1. beginningtolookalotlikezombies.jpg It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols

Oh yes! It’s a book that takes classic Christmas carols from a zombies point of view. Obviously, not a Jewish Zombie.

“Tiny tot’s eyes are no longer aglow, they’re in a bowl. Good King Wenceslas Tastes Great and we Deck The Halls With Parts Of Wally.”

Personally, I can’t wait to bust out a little “We Three Spleens” this holiday season!

2. neverslowdance.jpg Never Slow Dance With A Zombie by E. Van Lowe.
“Principal Taft’s 3 Simple Rules for Surviving a Zombie Uprising:
Rule #1: While in the halls, walk slowly and wear a vacant expression on your face. Zombies won’t attack other zombies.

Rule #2: Never travel alone. Move in packs. Follow the crowd. Zombies detest blatant displays of individuality.

Rule #3: If a zombie should attack, do not run. Instead, throw raw steak at to him. Zombies love raw meat. This display of kindness will go a long way.”

Sounds like Zombie High is kind of almost exactly the same as regular high school. Especially the part about wearing a vacant expression on your face.

3. zombies4zombies.jpg Zombies for Zombies: Advice and Etiquette for the Living Dead

Well, being bitten is inevitable so you might as well get the modern day Emily Post guide for your new lifestyle. It includes advice on:

– How to dress for your new lifestyle Handy recipes for brains
– Fitness ideas for keeping you somewhat energetic
– New skin-care techniques to help ward off “rotting flesh syndrome”
– How to overcome that darned zombie social stigma
– Dance steps for the motor-impaired

I kind of need that last one as I am now.

4. creepycutecrochet.jpg Creepy Cute Crochet: Zombies, Ninjas, Robots, and More!

Zombies need arts & crafts time too!

Although, I confess that  if I see a Zombie shambling around carrying a knitting needle in one hand and a tiny top hat in his other disintegrating hand my first thought will most likely not be, “Aw, what adorable little creation is this Zombo about to make?”

5. mamasayszombies.jpg My Mama Says There Aren’t Any Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, Demons, Monsters, Fiends, Goblins, Or Other Things.

Your mama lies, son. Your mama lies.

One Response to “I Saw Mama Chewing Santa Claus”

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